CoffeeTime: PARENTS, DON’T JUST YELL AT THEM

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Have you ever noticed that those rigid rules you insist your kids obey rarely bring about long-term enthusiastic obedience? “Mom told us to not do that. Yay!!!”

Instead, rebellion later on is usually the result. When your back is turned. When your kid is turned loose on his own. When you are not there playing policeman.

When they get to a place in their life that allows a teen to make a few of their own choices, often a young person who was reared under heavily restrictive guidelines with no explanations, will decide to find out what they were missing.

Think along the lines of a kid going to college and out on their own for the first time. Feeling the heady thrill that comes with total freedom of choice. Coupled with long-denied desires of doing anything and everything that mom and dad declared off-limits.

Add in the natural rebellion that comes with hormones that fluctuate like waves in the ocean. You potentially have what can be termed as a perfect storm.

Ask any parent who dares to be totally honest with you.

There is a second reason that using strict rules of conduct alone doesn’t really work long term. Unless you have been successful in instilling in that immature brain of your child the same line of reasoning, the same set of values, and the same fear of venturing off the safe beaten path of obedience that rules your behavior, then all you have accomplished is getting your kid to obey as long as you hold the reins. Good luck with that.

I do believe that an average teen who is out on his own can be guided… to some degree. But for that to be true, effective loving guidance has to be started lonnnng before the teen years hit. So, just how do we parents accomplish the impossible?

Beginning in the elementary years, the effective firm “NO!” coupled with a smack on a diapered bottom that worked on your toddler has to have “Here’s why you can’t fill in the blank.” Stated unequivocally in logical and age-appropriate terms that your child can understand.

Just yelling, “Because I said so!” isn’t going to go very far in getting your kid to want to cooperate. If that tired old sentence is your standard go-to, then very likely you have on your hands a child living out the old saying; ‘I’m sitting quietly on the outside, but I’m defiantly standing on the inside.’

 And believe me, it only gets worse when hormones are added to the mix.

My belief for the almost impossible job of parenting? Imitation: Pick up your Bible and read how your wise Creator parents you. Patience: Remember, your child is the student, you are the teacher, so teach. Loving firmness: Stick to your guns. I repeat, YOU are the teacher. How will Junior learn if you don’t stay firm? Fearlessness: Do not be afraid to enforce the word NO.

Parent, do your job well. Or you will regret the results later on.